New Report: 85% of Daily Life Now Beyond Satire

May 6th, 2008

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Posted by ChrisG at 2:55 pm

Estimates as to the exact date when the Onionization of American life began vary. However, there is no doubt that the process is by now very far advanced indeed:

“Last week, this station was 3.51 dollars. Now it’s practically 3.60. So it’s gone up nine cents in one week,” Twyman said as he pumped five dollars’ worth of gas into his thirsty American car.

“Someone’s making a lot of money and it’s really, really wrong,” added Twyman, who founded the Prayer at the Pump movement last week to seek help from a higher power to bring down fuel prices, because the powers in Washington haven’t.

The half-dozen activists — Twyman, a former Miss Washington DC, the owner of a small construction company and two volunteers at a local soup kitchen — joined hands, bowed their heads and intoned a heartfelt prayer.

“Lord, come down in a mighty way and strengthen us so that we can bring down these high gas prices,” Twyman said to a chorus of “amens”.

Lord, please come down with a whole mighty passel o’ divine intervention because we, who already have our greasy mitts on the hog’s share of the earth’s resources and wealth, are desperate to keep hold of it for just a little while longer. Not exactly Matthew 19:21, is it?